If you are not shown how to do things you may feel defective and a fraud, even if your achievements are noteworthy. The uninformed inner child binds you and you become afraid of change, avoiding new opportunities to enrich and give more meaning to your life. Petrúska Clarkson, who writes about what she calls pseudocompetency, was amazed when some of the very intelligent and highly achieving clients she treated felt flawed in terms of competency and felt as if they were imposters. She uses the term Achilles Syndrome to describe people who look like winners but feel like losers. When writing about her highly achieving clients, she noted that ‘there was always a worm in the apple of their success.’
Robert Kelsey, an eminently successful businessman, describes himself as ‘technically inept’ in his work as a banker, and admits to having an early negative childhood and leaving school early. His invented self was of a confident negotiator and his false self a fearful, shamed inner child. In his case leaving school early, and no doubt having a serious attention deficit because of his childhood, would have created a feeling of incompetency. That feeling is secret, core and ever present. In my own life I discovered that feeling incompetent was not always about the failure of parents to give direction, but can also be caused by a rushed education. I skipped at least four years of primary and secondary school, and the inner child in me sabotaged any feeling of well-being and confidence that I should have felt from successful third level achievements. I was puzzled by the contradiction between my educational achievements and my feelings of failure. All the outward circumstances would point to success. It was only when I read about incompetency that I finally made sense of this aspect of my personality. I found that understanding this was of immense help in banishing the feeling of failure that I had carried for decades. Knowledge can sometimes heal.
Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME
