Understanding your social anxiety better

There are ways to assess how serious your social fear is and to examine its particular underlying causes. The following list of questions will help to clarify this –
Has the fear fettered you and limited your capacity to make friends? Can you list the reality and the details of this? Find good examples and speculate how you might have handled the situation better. Do you ever remember being like this at a younger age? What prevented you making friends when you were young?
Has the fear changed the course of your life (as fear of failure did mine)? Are you happy with the life you are living or do you feel thwarted and unhappy? Have you ideas about how you would have liked your life to have gone? If so, what type of life would you like to have and is it possible to achieve it? If there is a vacuum in your life how can you fill it? Were you unhappy as a child? What was your life as a child like?
Has the fear prevented you from having the type of job you would have liked to have? If so what type of job would you like to have? Is it possible to change your job? Check training opportunities.
Has the fear interfered with your ability to work in your current job? If so, how? Are you constantly watchful and fearful of authority? Do you spend a lot of time thinking about your job? Are you constantly checking your work? Do you compare yourself unfavourably with your colleagues?
Has the social fear prevented you from going to work? Check your thoughts to see how they undermine you. Did you miss many days at school as a child? Did you drop out of school early?
Has the fear stopped you from getting a job? Write down the avoidance mechanisms that fetter you and prevent you from applying for available work. How did you deal with college? Did you finish the course you were doing?
Has the fear prevented you from entering into intimate or romantic relationships? How many romantic relationships have you had? Were you able to make dates? Were you conscious of your so called defects when you tried to make dates?
Has the fear damaged an intimate relationship you have? If so, how? Explore the dynamics of the relationship and your thinking, feelings and behaviours. What could you have done to prevent the damage caused? What can you do now?
Has the fear affected your ability to relate to family and friends? If so, how? Are you isolated from family and friends? How serious is the isolation? Is it entirely your fault? What can you do to change your situation?
Has the fear stifled your creativity? How have you curtailed your creative inner child? How can you release her and allow her to be free and spontaneous? Do you feel yourself to be dull and restricted in that spontaneity?
There are many more questions you could pose to assess the impact of social fear on your progress in every part of your life and to help you cast off this fear.
Extract from my book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME
I am the author of six books
When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family
Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying
Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O
Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891
Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856
I am currently writing two books. one on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder) and one on loneliness.

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Toxic shame is always part of social anxiety.

In the case of social fear the depression and anxiety are often accompanied by toxic shame, which is very often the basis of this condition. Some researchers, however, also theorize that social fear is a social issue rather than a personal one. That is true insofar as people with social fear often feel embarrassed or shamed because they feel they do not fit in. They feel on the margin, but the shame makes it personal. Shame often brings anger, and many people with social fear carry toxic anger and negative fantasizing. They are not paranoid in the psychological sense, but in a minority of cases indulge in violent fantasies about hurting or insulting others, a condition that also occurs in OCD. If they feel judged they in turn judge others and many are conflicted or confused. Their internal conflict with others is often accompanied by external meekness, although they feel cold, detached and suspicious.

Extract from my book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME
I am the author of six books
When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family
Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying
Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O
Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891
Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856
I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder)

Posted in Shame, social anxiety
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Social anxiety is often accompanied by depression

Social anxiety is often part of a bigger problem. I have found that depression, lack of assertiveness, aggressiveness, worry, addiction and many of the issues listed in Appendix 1, are sometimes comorbid with social fear. In their book, The Essential Handbook of Social Anxiety for Clinicians, Rick Ingram and his colleagues discuss the relationship between social fear and depression in adults, and show that between twenty to thirty percent of people with social fear also have depression. Social fear normally kicks in before depression and for people afflicted with both, the lethal combination is painfully shackling. This chronic condition is frequently powered by rumination, one of the causes of depression. Ruminating means asking yourself questions that have no concrete answers. This keeps you on a treadmill of anxiety and keeps your head in a continuous spin. Here are a few of the questions you might pose that keep you in hyper vigilance –
What does this person think of me?
Is he staring at me?
Does he look unfriendly?
Does she recognise that I am incredibly boring?
Does she see that I have very little knowledge?
Can he see that I am beginning to blush?
Does he know that I have no self-esteem? That I am useless?
Can he see the perspiration on my forehead?
Does she know what I am really like?
Can he see what I am thinking?
He is a very educated person and I left school early. Will he see me as stupid and ignorant?
Will she will compare me to her friends, who are all better than me?

Extract from my book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME
I am the author of six books
When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family
Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying
Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O
Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891
Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856
I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder)

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Social anxiety has different components

Gillian Butler correctly sums up the components of social fear as thinking and behaviour, with physical and emotional symptoms. Thinking symptoms include consciousness of other people’s opinion of you, lack of concentration, focusing on yourself and worrying about what might go wrong. Behavioural symptoms might be avoiding social occasions, mumbling, looking away from a person while speaking to them, and trying to avoid attention. The problem with these symptoms is that they more than likely will be misinterpreted by others as unfriendliness and people do not respond warmly to an unfriendly person. This then reinforces your belief that you are disliked, or worse still not worth liking, and a vicious circle is created, whereby you withdraw more and more. But, as mentioned elsewhere you can change your behaviours. You have control over them. Physiological symptoms have already been outlined and some of the emotional symptoms include apprehension, anger, sadness, helplessness and depression. These are seen, also, in Jason’s narrative. All of these make up an unpleasant assortment in the recipe for fear.
Extract from my book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME
I am the author of six books
When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family
Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying
Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O
Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891
Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856
I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder)

Posted in social anxiety
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Negative beliefs drive social anxiety

The negative self-view, mentioned in the previous blog, is also reflected in a number of assumptions that fearful people have about themselves and about social behaviour. In his article, A Cognitive Perspective on Social Phobia, David Clark sees three divisions in such assumptions – unreasonably high standards for social performance, conditional beliefs about the consequences of acting in a certain way and negative beliefs about the self. The totality of such thinking is crippling and includes such thoughts as ‘I must always appear strong’,’ I must always sound intelligent’, ‘I must disagree with others or they will think I am stupid’, ‘if I make conversation people will think I am boring’, ‘I’m unlikeable and different’, to name but a few. This negative inner self-world was formed when you were very young and developed over the years with an accumulation of social experiences. It will be helpful if you check the existence of some or all of these assumptions in your case, because you may not even be aware of this negative and irrational thinking as it works away in your subconscious undermining you all the time, reinforcing negative self-beliefs and false assumptions. Your fleeting thought may be a belief that you are worthless and your assumption is that you must show that you are a worthwhile human being or else people will not like you and you will end up living a lonely life.
Extract from my book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME
I am the author of six books
When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family
Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying
Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O
Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891
Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856
I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder)

Posted in social anxiety
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Particular types of parenting can sow the seeds of social anxiety

Seeing a pattern of pathological issues in the ancestry and wider family is not at all about blaming them or blaming parents, most of whom do the best they can. Nevertheless, we must be realistic, and it can be safely argued that particular types of parenting can unintentionally sow the seeds of social fear. It can be learned from parents who show excessive worry or anxiety about social occasions, or can be created if a parent is overprotective, distrustful or critical of others. Parents can sometimes inadvertently give the impression to their children that the world is not a safe place. This arises from their love and concern for their children. Repeated warnings to young children about trivial behaviours, such as being careful on the road, or mixing with other ‘undesirable’ children, can create such an incapacitating belief in the child. Over protective parents can also make the child feel that he is not competent to meet the social challenges that life throws up. They can give the impression that others have certain standards and expectations, and the child can become self-conscious and made to feel that the opinions and evaluations of others are absolutely necessary. Without realising it, parental attitudes and beliefs help the child to develop an unhealthy mental representation of himself as supposedly seen by others. In short, he imagines that others see him as he does – inadequate and defective. This negative outlook is seamlessly transferred into all areas of your life including the arena of social fear. In short, your default setting is negativity.
Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME
I am the author of six books
When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family
Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying
Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O
Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891
Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856
I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder

Posted in parenting
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DIFFERENTIATING BETWEEN THE GENETIC AND THE ENVIRONMENTAL CAN BE DIFFICULT WHEN TRACING YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL PATHOLOGIES.

We should be aware that people often mistakenly use genetic or hereditary terms without realizing that these more often than not are about our environment i.e. our parenting, school environment, social environment. For example, you frequently hear people making statements such as ‘like father like son’, which insinuates that there is a genetic factor involved.  Anytime I have explored the generational and genetic themes it has become apparent that childhood abuse and neglect were rife in such families, going back for generations. The generational factor and patternas were not necessarily (but could be) genetic, but rather neglect that carried on throughout the decades.  A genogram is an effective way to explore this. This is like a family tree and can be framed to look at relationship problems, medical issues, addictions and so on. You can download examples of genograms and instruction on how to use them from the internet. The further back you can go the better, but generally grandparents are as far as we can go. In examining the completed genogram you may be shocked to see the psychological pathologies in your ancestry associated with attachment problems, and how they affect your generation.

Extract from my recent book –  Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.

THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY

SHAME

I am the author of six books

When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family

Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying

Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.

I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O

Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891

Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856

I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder)

Posted in Uncategorized

DIFFERENTIATING BETWEEN GENETIC AND ENVIRONMENTAL CAUSES OF OUR PSYCHOLOGICAL PATHOLOGIES CAN BE DIFFICULT.

We should be aware that people often mistakenly use genetic or hereditary terms without realizing that these more often than not are about our environment i.e. our parenting, school environment, social environment. For example, you frequently hear people making statements such as ‘like father like son’, which insinuates that there is a genetic factor involved. Anytime I have explored the generational and genetic themes it has become apparent that childhood abuse and neglect were rife in such families, going back for generations. The generational factor and patternas were not necessarily (but could be) genetic, but rather neglect that carried on throughout the decades. A genogram is an effective way to explore this. This is like a family tree and can be framed to look at relationship problems, medical issues, addictions and so on. You can download examples of genograms and instruction on how to use them from the internet. The further back you can go the better, but generally grandparents are as far as we can go. In examining the completed genogram you may be shocked to see the psychological pathologies in your ancestry associated with attachment problems, and how they affect your generation. Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood. THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY COUNSELLING TIPPERARY DEATH OF A CHILD ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FEAR ANGER JEALOUSY SHAME I am the author of six books When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood. I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891 Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856 I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder)

Posted in Uncategorized

social anxiety can have some genetic factors

Psychologists have categorised social fear as an abnormal personality trait, an avoidant personality disorder or a phobia. Psychological distinctions are not crucial to this book, but we need to know why so many people harbour this particular fear. It is strange that researchers still argue about the origins of social fear. Some, for example attribute it to biological or genetic vulnerabilities. Professor Martin Antony, for example, makes the case that genetics may play a part in social anxiety.  Further studies now highlight some of the actual genes that contribute to social anxiety.  Professor Gillian Butler and Dr Edmund Bourne outline some sources such as biological factors, temperament, environmental factors (parenting, traumatic experiences, life stage problems, and other stresses). Ray Crozier and Lynn Alden and their colleagues explore the biological factors in some detail in their book, Social Anxiety for Clinicians,but also discuss the importance of attachment as a factor in social fear. Overall, it may arise from a combination of genetic, biological and environmental, suggesting that a combination of counselling and drug therapy may be the best route to take. The drugs will deal with the genetic and the counselling with the effects of an insecure attachment.  The appropriate drugs can only be created when we know the exact neural chemicals that are deficient.

Extract from my recent book –  Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.

THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY

SHAME

I am the author of six books

When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family

Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying

Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.

I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O

Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891

Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856

I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder)

Posted in social fear
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We are social beings and social fear damages this evolutionary tendency

Social fear is essentially detrimental because the human has evolved as a social creature. Some early civilizations were organized on a tribal basis, designed for survival. Social fear, therefore, can be seen as an evolutionary reaction in the face of danger. This provokes the fight or flight response. That was all very useful when danger surrounded us at every turn, but the underlying impact of an insecure attachment pathologizes social fear to the extent that it becomes debilitating, and instead of being a beneficial protective mechanism it renders you powerless and fearful of ordinary situations. Occasionally, this debilitating condition can begin in children as young as eight, but the average age of onset is mid-adolescence and it is rarely generated after the age of twenty-five.  Children with social fear find it difficult to mix with others, are unfriendly and withdrawn, do badly at school and occasionally have depression. School is the place where these symptoms normally appear. Their anxious response to social situations with their peers can include weeping, freezing, tantrums, as well as some behaviours shown by socially anxious adults. These behaviours are often accompanied by physical symptoms such as stomach aches or headaches. Being in class can be extremely painful for teenagers suffering from social phobia. Being asked questions by the teacher fills them with fear, and for a small number of students can degenerate into selective mutism, which is discussed later. In extreme cases mixing with other pupils is a no-go area. Such children often arrive in school late when classes have begun and isolate themselves at break times. This tendency to isolate increases as they move through adulthood, causing significant interference in living. Sometimes the fear is so great that sufferers choose jobs that leave them solitary rather than take on more suitable jobs, where they would interact with others.  There are cases of people who find it impossible to work during the day, and find employment where they work only at night and in a solitary capacity. I should say, however, that many teenagers who suffer extreme anxiety find healing in therapy and live a fear free adulthood.

Extract from my recent book –  Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.

THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY

SHAME

I am the author of six books

When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family

Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying

Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.

I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O

Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891

Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856

I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder)

Posted in social fear