Particular types of parenting can sow the seeds of social anxiety

Seeing a pattern of pathological issues in the ancestry and wider family is not at all about blaming them or blaming parents, most of whom do the best they can. Nevertheless, we must be realistic, and it can be safely argued that particular types of parenting can unintentionally sow the seeds of social fear. It can be learned from parents who show excessive worry or anxiety about social occasions, or can be created if a parent is overprotective, distrustful or critical of others. Parents can sometimes inadvertently give the impression to their children that the world is not a safe place. This arises from their love and concern for their children. Repeated warnings to young children about trivial behaviours, such as being careful on the road, or mixing with other ‘undesirable’ children, can create such an incapacitating belief in the child. Over protective parents can also make the child feel that he is not competent to meet the social challenges that life throws up. They can give the impression that others have certain standards and expectations, and the child can become self-conscious and made to feel that the opinions and evaluations of others are absolutely necessary. Without realising it, parental attitudes and beliefs help the child to develop an unhealthy mental representation of himself as supposedly seen by others. In short, he imagines that others see him as he does – inadequate and defective. This negative outlook is seamlessly transferred into all areas of your life including the arena of social fear. In short, your default setting is negativity.
Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME
I am the author of six books
When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family
Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying
Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O
Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891
Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856
I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder

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DIFFERENTIATING BETWEEN THE GENETIC AND THE ENVIRONMENTAL CAN BE DIFFICULT WHEN TRACING YOUR PSYCHOLOGICAL PATHOLOGIES.

We should be aware that people often mistakenly use genetic or hereditary terms without realizing that these more often than not are about our environment i.e. our parenting, school environment, social environment. For example, you frequently hear people making statements such as ‘like father like son’, which insinuates that there is a genetic factor involved.  Anytime I have explored the generational and genetic themes it has become apparent that childhood abuse and neglect were rife in such families, going back for generations. The generational factor and patternas were not necessarily (but could be) genetic, but rather neglect that carried on throughout the decades.  A genogram is an effective way to explore this. This is like a family tree and can be framed to look at relationship problems, medical issues, addictions and so on. You can download examples of genograms and instruction on how to use them from the internet. The further back you can go the better, but generally grandparents are as far as we can go. In examining the completed genogram you may be shocked to see the psychological pathologies in your ancestry associated with attachment problems, and how they affect your generation.

Extract from my recent book –  Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.

THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY

SHAME

I am the author of six books

When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family

Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying

Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.

I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O

Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891

Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856

I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder)

Posted in Uncategorized

DIFFERENTIATING BETWEEN GENETIC AND ENVIRONMENTAL CAUSES OF OUR PSYCHOLOGICAL PATHOLOGIES CAN BE DIFFICULT.

We should be aware that people often mistakenly use genetic or hereditary terms without realizing that these more often than not are about our environment i.e. our parenting, school environment, social environment. For example, you frequently hear people making statements such as ‘like father like son’, which insinuates that there is a genetic factor involved. Anytime I have explored the generational and genetic themes it has become apparent that childhood abuse and neglect were rife in such families, going back for generations. The generational factor and patternas were not necessarily (but could be) genetic, but rather neglect that carried on throughout the decades. A genogram is an effective way to explore this. This is like a family tree and can be framed to look at relationship problems, medical issues, addictions and so on. You can download examples of genograms and instruction on how to use them from the internet. The further back you can go the better, but generally grandparents are as far as we can go. In examining the completed genogram you may be shocked to see the psychological pathologies in your ancestry associated with attachment problems, and how they affect your generation. Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood. THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY COUNSELLING TIPPERARY DEATH OF A CHILD ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE FEAR ANGER JEALOUSY SHAME I am the author of six books When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood. I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891 Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856 I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder)

Posted in Uncategorized

social anxiety can have some genetic factors

Psychologists have categorised social fear as an abnormal personality trait, an avoidant personality disorder or a phobia. Psychological distinctions are not crucial to this book, but we need to know why so many people harbour this particular fear. It is strange that researchers still argue about the origins of social fear. Some, for example attribute it to biological or genetic vulnerabilities. Professor Martin Antony, for example, makes the case that genetics may play a part in social anxiety.  Further studies now highlight some of the actual genes that contribute to social anxiety.  Professor Gillian Butler and Dr Edmund Bourne outline some sources such as biological factors, temperament, environmental factors (parenting, traumatic experiences, life stage problems, and other stresses). Ray Crozier and Lynn Alden and their colleagues explore the biological factors in some detail in their book, Social Anxiety for Clinicians,but also discuss the importance of attachment as a factor in social fear. Overall, it may arise from a combination of genetic, biological and environmental, suggesting that a combination of counselling and drug therapy may be the best route to take. The drugs will deal with the genetic and the counselling with the effects of an insecure attachment.  The appropriate drugs can only be created when we know the exact neural chemicals that are deficient.

Extract from my recent book –  Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.

THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY

SHAME

I am the author of six books

When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family

Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying

Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.

I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O

Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891

Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856

I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder)

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We are social beings and social fear damages this evolutionary tendency

Social fear is essentially detrimental because the human has evolved as a social creature. Some early civilizations were organized on a tribal basis, designed for survival. Social fear, therefore, can be seen as an evolutionary reaction in the face of danger. This provokes the fight or flight response. That was all very useful when danger surrounded us at every turn, but the underlying impact of an insecure attachment pathologizes social fear to the extent that it becomes debilitating, and instead of being a beneficial protective mechanism it renders you powerless and fearful of ordinary situations. Occasionally, this debilitating condition can begin in children as young as eight, but the average age of onset is mid-adolescence and it is rarely generated after the age of twenty-five.  Children with social fear find it difficult to mix with others, are unfriendly and withdrawn, do badly at school and occasionally have depression. School is the place where these symptoms normally appear. Their anxious response to social situations with their peers can include weeping, freezing, tantrums, as well as some behaviours shown by socially anxious adults. These behaviours are often accompanied by physical symptoms such as stomach aches or headaches. Being in class can be extremely painful for teenagers suffering from social phobia. Being asked questions by the teacher fills them with fear, and for a small number of students can degenerate into selective mutism, which is discussed later. In extreme cases mixing with other pupils is a no-go area. Such children often arrive in school late when classes have begun and isolate themselves at break times. This tendency to isolate increases as they move through adulthood, causing significant interference in living. Sometimes the fear is so great that sufferers choose jobs that leave them solitary rather than take on more suitable jobs, where they would interact with others.  There are cases of people who find it impossible to work during the day, and find employment where they work only at night and in a solitary capacity. I should say, however, that many teenagers who suffer extreme anxiety find healing in therapy and live a fear free adulthood.

Extract from my recent book –  Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.

THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY

SHAME

I am the author of six books

When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family

Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying

Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.

I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O

Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891

Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856

I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder)

Posted in social fear

Beauty magazines can increase our body image problems

The body image dimension of social fear is strongly affected by culture. Because of the fear, you are vulnerable to how some modern magazines portray the ideal in terms of physical beauty. Such magazines are a powerful trigger to make you conscious of physical defects. The so-called beauty industry is colossal, and an increasing number of people, male and female, are being seduced by it. If you have good self-esteem you will not be swayed by the proclaimed ideal of physical beauty. You will be comfortable in your skin, even if it is wrinkled with age! If you define yourself in terms of physical beauty, you will ultimately be haunted by a sense of failure. This may sound ludicrous, but do not underestimate the power of cultural aspirations, which can make you feel flawed. Cultural views on physical beauty is just another way of being shamed, as you compare yourself to beautiful females and handsome males adorning the pages of these magazines. You may have thoughts like ‘I am ugly, my hair is falling out and she will think I’m unattractive, my ears are too big, my nose is too long, or I’m not good looking enough for her, I’m too fat, I’m too thin, ‘I’m too small, I’m too tall’ and a whole myriad of other supposed imperfections. The lesson is to deal with the underlying cause of not feeling good enough.
Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME
I am the author of six books
When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family
Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying
Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O
Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891
Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856
I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder)

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The psychological feeling of defectiveness can translate into body image problems

In the previous blog I mentioned body image problems. Randy and Lori Sansone in their article, Body Image, have come up with an enlightened explanation of body image issues. They suspect that negativity tends to be concretized on a body level in shamed children. In other words psychological negativity is converted into a physical one. Generally they are unaware of body image as children, but become conscious of it in teenage years and bring this shame and negativity into adulthood, where the so called physical defects rivet their attention and fits perfectly with their low self-worth. The magnifying glass sees every defective speck in their bodily make up, and the mirror becomes the gauge of their self-esteem. For some individuals body image is pathological and is known as dysmorphophobia i.e. a fear that one’s body is repulsive. This affects up to 2.4 percent of the population and is classed as a psychiatric complaint. I have met some handsome people who feel this way about their imagined ugliness. In many cases some of these turn to the plastic surgeon. Unfortunately, because body image has a psychological dimension, they continue to return for surgery in what is a distressing grindstone.
Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME
I am the author of six books
When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family
Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying
Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O
Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891
Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856
I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder)

Posted in body image, social fear
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Body image problems can be part of social fear (bred by attachment issues)

While social fear is a silent and invisible saboteur, albeit with obvious anxiety symptoms, the negative thinking that drives it is very often translated into obsession with body image. You are conscious about how you look, blame yourself for these so-called imperfections, and become distracted, while others are oblivious to such supposed defects. A negative view of body image can affect how you interact with others, especially members of the opposite sex. Even if you have a defect, you exaggerate it out of all proportion and focus relentlessly on it. Jason, for example, was constantly aware of his hair, and felt distressed that he would go bald. This increased his pre-existing fear of forming intimate relationships.
Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME
I am the author of six books
When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family
Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying
Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O
Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891
Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856
I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder)

Posted in body image, body image
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Social fear is a constant destructive presence

Essentially, therefore, social fear is about oversensitivity of being judged, criticized or rejected by others; being acutely self-conscious and feeling embarrassed or humiliated. Barbara Markway, a psychologist in Jefferson City and an expert on social fear, makes the interesting point that people with social fear not only dread disapproval, but exaggerate the threat of criticism. Negative thinking, therefore, always tends towards exaggeration and the expectation of blame. It is allied to catastrophization (catastrophic thinking), a term coined by Aaron Beck, one of the founders of cognitive therapy.
This mindset means that even before you meet a group of strangers or attend a social occasion you are already internally embarrassed and crippled by your own negative self-appraisal. You sabotage yourself and are defeated before you set out. Social fear is all about yourself with an intense and paralysing internal focus and hypersensitivity to anticipated scrutiny by others. You imagine that they can see the false self with all its imperfections of shame, anger, low self-esteem and, above all, being boring. Almost every person I have met with social fear felt they were boring and uninteresting in the company of other people. The focus also shifts to physical manifestations of fear and anxiety, sometimes including sweating, blushing and stammering. Thinking about them is a trigger that will bring them on. All those defects that were planted in you during your childhood stand starkly in your mind, and this brainwashing paralyses you in many aspects of your life, and especially when interacting with others. It is about not being comfortable in your skin, ruminating about letting yourself down in front of others and being oversensitive about yourself.
Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME
I am the author of six books
When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family
Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying
Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O
Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891
Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856
I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder)

Posted in social fear
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Social anxiety destroys your life

Jason was mistaken if he thought that his fear would depart when he began working. It intensified and destroyed any attempt at happiness.

“I would do my work to a high standard but I would lunch by myself, in a place away from work where my colleagues wouldn’t see me. I was on a very busy team so people didn’t go to lunch together. I asked one of the lads one day to go to lunch, but he told me he didn’t have time. Instead of taking this as the truth, I thought it was my fault and he just didn’t want to have lunch with me. I questioned myself and the rejection made me put up my guard. I wouldn’t be asking again. There was another group of lads on another work team. They were friendly and sporty and liked the banter. This is the kind of group I would have got on well with. But I wasn’t brave enough to ask if I could join them. The fear of being judged, ‘the look at this loner’ thoughts that was going round in my head, meant I never made the effort with them. College was happening all over again. I’d have a few scenarios were I’d have a laugh with them, but I wouldn’t be able join them the next day for lunch or stop for a chat. If circumstances had been different I could have been on this team. They would have invited the newbie to lunch and I could have made some really good friends. Instead, I was left to go to lunch on my own in a restaurant up the road that I was familiar with from my college days. I was nearly 2 years working in the office before I could venture into the canteen. I had the feeling that all eyes from the office would be on me as I queued for my food. The thoughts of being in a queue having to make conversation with one of my work colleagues, especially those in higher positions, made me blush and sweat. This irrational fear meant I never went to the canteen. Work was really intense and some days I didn’t have time to go to the restaurant across the way, so instead of grabbing something quick in the canteen, I would eat nothing. On bad days, I could arrive home from work around 8 in the evening and not have eaten since 7 that morning. At the time I didn’t notice anything crazy about my behaviour. As I write this, I can’t really believe how irrational my fears had made me. I thought this was all to do with college and I couldn’t see the signs that my fears had taken me over.”
Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLING TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
FEAR
ANGER
JEALOUSY
SHAME
I am the author of six books
When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family
Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying
Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O
Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891
Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856
I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder)

Posted in social fear
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