Seeing a pattern of pathological issues in the ancestry and wider family is not at all about blaming them or blaming parents, most of whom do the best they can. Nevertheless, we must be realistic, and it can be safely argued that particular types of parenting can unintentionally sow the seeds of social fear. It can be learned from parents who show excessive worry or anxiety about social occasions, or can be created if a parent is overprotective, distrustful or critical of others. Parents can sometimes inadvertently give the impression to their children that the world is not a safe place. This arises from their love and concern for their children. Repeated warnings to young children about trivial behaviours, such as being careful on the road, or mixing with other ‘undesirable’ children, can create such an incapacitating belief in the child. Over protective parents can also make the child feel that he is not competent to meet the social challenges that life throws up. They can give the impression that others have certain standards and expectations, and the child can become self-conscious and made to feel that the opinions and evaluations of others are absolutely necessary. Without realising it, parental attitudes and beliefs help the child to develop an unhealthy mental representation of himself as supposedly seen by others. In short, he imagines that others see him as he does – inadequate and defective. This negative outlook is seamlessly transferred into all areas of your life including the arena of social fear. In short, your default setting is negativity.
Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
DEATH OF A CHILD
ABUSE AND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
I am the author of six books
When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family
Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying
Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O
Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891
Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856
I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder