Blog Archives

We cannot help having toxic anger, but it is our responsibility not to vent it on others

While we can explain the creation of toxic anger and see it as a burden, we must also realise how harmful it is to those who bear the brunt of it. It is the engine which drives abuse of all kinds -verbal, psychological, physical, sexual, or financial. Abuse may be

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The anger of a child turns inward and becomes core to re-emerge in adulthood

The human is born with hope, curiosity and love, but when an infant’s dependency needs are not met these turn to ashes, and toxic or core anger is one of the external signs of fear of abandonment. Initially, the faces of angry infants are contorted and crimson as they rage,

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Hitler a good example of how a childhood can damage us although it does not excuse how we behave.

As you can see from the last blog, many circumstances preventing adequate parenting are simply unavoidable. One of the most familiar cases in my experience is that of having a large family, where parents struggle to find time to meet the needs of their children. Frequently, in such cases clusters

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Emotional or soul wounds inflicted in childhood can run from generation to generation.

Parental failure to meet dependency needs is, in effect, traumatic for the child, and inflicts what is called an emotional or soul wound, which is too painful to experience. The result in teenage years, especially around the age of sixteen, is a severe lack of concentration in school, where the

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Posted in attachment, childhood, childhood hurts
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We must show an interest in our child and show him or her how to do things.

Affection and love needs are obviously closely linked, and all of the dependency needs overlap into a holistic parental behaviour sending out positive messages to your child, which in adult life increases his capacity to give affection and love in the best sense of the word. The third need is

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Creating a secure attachment is the most important job a parent has

When you consider in the last blog Jason’s sad situation and the issues it bred in him, you might think that his mother would be able to compensate for it. But, that was not the case, showing how vital the father is for the boy in terms of attachment and

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The love and attention of fathers’ is vital to male children

You have seen how one of Jason’s issues was fear of abandonment, and the following excerpt shows how significant his insecure attachment to his father was, and how it impacted on him, breeding shame, hurt, jealousy, discord, fear, depression, low self-esteem, poor self-confidence, and a stubborn desire for his father’s

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An insecure attachment means there is no emotional bond between child and parent in adult life.

If a secure attachment is badly disrupted similar problems follow. This can occur, for example, if a caregiver gets depression or is sporadically unwell, or dies. The consequences of this can be serious in terms of the emotional development of the child and many of the psychological and emotional ills

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Posted in attachment, lack of emotional bond
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the foetus is conscious of what is happening outside the womb

Fear is now seen as one of the prominent emotions experienced by the foetus. Modern research also suggests that an anxious child has a larger amygdala (fear centre) than others, and while this does appear to be true of prenates, increased cortisol (stress hormone) in the mother also affects the

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Memories for children in the womb are encoded in their cells

The foetus is unprotected from external negative stimuli, such as any traumatic event or experience to which the mother is exposed. When we realise that constant rowing between parents is as traumatic for a child as a serious road accident or a natural disaster for an adult, how much more

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