It is easy to see that anger can degenerate into hatred. There is no satisfactory explanation of the difference between anger and hatred. Hatred is depicted as an intense, long lasting and overwhelming anger. Some researchers maintain that anger does not last as long as hatred, but chronic anger lasts
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Chronic (continuous and long standing) anger damages your physical as well as mental healh
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Jim
Be aware of the type of anger you have
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Jim
Anger can also be categorised as explosive or implosive and someone who is constantly angry without good reason, carries the burden of toxic anger. Explosive anger is a violent outburst and can also vary in intensity, ranging from mild annoyance to a very strong feeling of rage, where it is
We cannot help having toxic anger, but it is our responsibility not to vent it on others
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Jim
While we can explain the creation of toxic anger and see it as a burden, we must also realise how harmful it is to those who bear the brunt of it. It is the engine which drives abuse of all kinds -verbal, psychological, physical, sexual, or financial. Abuse may be
The anger of a child turns inward and becomes core to re-emerge in adulthood
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The human is born with hope, curiosity and love, but when an infant’s dependency needs are not met these turn to ashes, and toxic or core anger is one of the external signs of fear of abandonment. Initially, the faces of angry infants are contorted and crimson as they rage,
Hitler a good example of how a childhood can damage us although it does not excuse how we behave.
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Jim
As you can see from the last blog, many circumstances preventing adequate parenting are simply unavoidable. One of the most familiar cases in my experience is that of having a large family, where parents struggle to find time to meet the needs of their children. Frequently, in such cases clusters
Emotional or soul wounds inflicted in childhood can run from generation to generation.
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Parental failure to meet dependency needs is, in effect, traumatic for the child, and inflicts what is called an emotional or soul wound, which is too painful to experience. The result in teenage years, especially around the age of sixteen, is a severe lack of concentration in school, where the
We must show an interest in our child and show him or her how to do things.
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Affection and love needs are obviously closely linked, and all of the dependency needs overlap into a holistic parental behaviour sending out positive messages to your child, which in adult life increases his capacity to give affection and love in the best sense of the word. The third need is
Give your child as many hugs as possible. You can never hug enough!
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Jim
Touch is the heart of affection, and that is how you make the child feel a sense of approval, the second need. Alice Miller, the great Polish psychiatrist, advocated that the first year of the child is the most important one. This is the time when the child should be
Creating a secure attachment is the most important job a parent has
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When you consider in the last blog Jason’s sad situation and the issues it bred in him, you might think that his mother would be able to compensate for it. But, that was not the case, showing how vital the father is for the boy in terms of attachment and
The love and attention of fathers’ is vital to male children
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Jim
You have seen how one of Jason’s issues was fear of abandonment, and the following excerpt shows how significant his insecure attachment to his father was, and how it impacted on him, breeding shame, hurt, jealousy, discord, fear, depression, low self-esteem, poor self-confidence, and a stubborn desire for his father’s
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