Blog Archives

Co-dependency is an obsession

I have already looked at co-dependency in the context of boundaries, and Melody Beattie, in her blog, Co-dependent No More, offers suggestions to people who are co-dependent. Firstly, you must break your obsession with your partner and detach. This is not a cold, calculated behaviour or a withdrawal of love

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There is no point hoping that your abusive partner will change

Your own behaviours may also indicate that you are being abused. Do you feel muzzled or fearful of expressing your opinions to your partner? Do you feel emotionally unsafe, insecure, and vulnerable? Do you doubt your own judgments and capabilities? Are you afraid to speak to others about your relationship?

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Posted in abuse, controlling personality, verbal abuse
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You cannot please a verbal abuser

As they struggle in confusion, victims often form a false set of beliefs, such as believing that they might appease the abusers if they were better at articulating what they wished to say. Abusers reinforce these false beliefs by convincing them that they are incapable of understanding, and that if

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Posted in abuse, abusive personality, controlling personality, verbal abuse
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Don’t underestimate the damage verbal abuse does

The effects of verbal abuse are serious, and like all cases of abuse become more intense over time. Recovery from verbal abuse seems to take much longer than from physical abuse, because the core self is assaulted and wounded. It often happens that the victim becomes used to and adapts

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Posted in abuse, verbal abuse
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Victims of verbal abuse are severely wounded and humiliated

Verbal abusers use all their verbal skill to confuse, control and disarm their victims. They are blatantly unfair, they rule out any opposing viewpoint, and they make the victim feel stupid. They distort the victim’s judgment and make them feel that there is something wrong with them. They make statements

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Posted in abuse, verbal abuse
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Words can confuse, seem caring yet damage the self-esteem of another.

Education increases the facility abusers have with words. They have a rapier-like capacity to inflict verbal abuse, some of it extremely subtle. As Cathy Meyer says, not all words meant to hurt are ugly words. An ‘expert’ at verbal abuse can damage the self-esteem of another, and yet appear to

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Posted in abuse, verbal abuse
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Many see verbal abuse as worse than physical

Verbal abuse is so tormenting because the facility to praise and express love is used to denigrate and insult. For example, Linda went from being a beautiful desirable wife to a ‘boring old hag’. The contrast is devastating, and the constant name-calling savage – “I was called things like a

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Posted in abuse, domestic violence, verbal abuse
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Verbal Abuse

Verbal Abuse Nurtured in the furnace of shame, The abuse-foetus grows, Silent, Strong And lies in wait, Fed on the poison of rejection, Never good enough, Never loved enough, Unlovable, And then it stirs And Strikes, And paralyses. And leaves the eternal scar. Hidden. How it rings eternally in your

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Posted in abuse, verbal abuse
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being enmeshed by a parent is controlling and abusive

Foetus- like in shell unbreached The wounded child lies Alone Within the adult. Filled with pain. Confused, Not knowing why. A frozen wasteland, Where there is no warmth, Where intimacy burns the soul, And leaves the spirit Mourning the loss of love Yearning for the joy of soul- togetherness. Never.

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Posted in abuse, Child Abuse, domestic violence, physical abuse
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People need to know what boundaries are before they can understand abuse. This will be explored in the early section of the blog, and will enlighten parents on child formation. Parents will also learn about dysfunctional child development in the next section, which looks at the creation of the abusive

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Posted in abuse, Child Abuse, domestic violence, physical abuse, psychological/emotional abuse, sexual abuse, verbal abuse
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