Despite the trepidation, the questions and the fear that you feel, you will survive the abuse, recover and re-experience independence, happiness and peace. Part of our work as humans is to integrate our suffering, as we strive for happiness. We have the capacity, irrespective of apparently insurmountable obstacles, to create a life where we can grow, reach our potential, and experience joy. It is a fundamental principle that we have within ourselves everything we need to be happy, including the capacity to recover. However, it may take a long time for your scars to heal. It may take years before you trust again. Even when you meet a non-abusive partner, you will be on the alert, always waiting for an attack. Learning to trust and experience non-judgemental love within a new relationship is one of the best antidotes to the after -effects of an abusive relationship. Gradually the feeling of wariness will abate. Initially, you might be better to focus on social relationships, rather than intimate ones, because this provides a safer context to rebuild relational skills.
When you leave an abusive relationship, you are no longer a victim, but a survivor. The stench of the abuse may linger for a long time, and you may be confused by the loving feelings and longing you experience for the nice Jekyll, before you begin to confront the vicious Hyde, and you may, perhaps, experience bitterness and regret. But, as you slowly find your feet in the new space you have created, you will begin to see possibilities, and enter the recovery stage, where you will enhance your life and be as you want to be. As you had the strength to endure the abusive relationship, and to leave it, you also have the strength to create a new life. It takes time, and there will be setbacks, as you set about recovering your optimism and reclaiming your identity.
Adapted from Jim O’Shea’s book Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying published by Cork University Press
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
COUNSELLORS IN TIPPERARY
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
ABUSE
DEATH OF A CHILD
