Shamed  children come from  families that are closed; families that are not emotionally lubricated, but remain stuck in an unloving and shaming atmosphere. Very often as the pain of toxic shame becomes intolerable, the family may turn on an individual member to vent their shame and relieve their pain.

When the child’s emotional needs are not met, and when the child becomes an adult, the child within the adult carries these same unmet needs. This needy child within the adult can never be emotionally satisfied, and can never satisfy his own children. As the child grows and leaves the home all the other systems (social, church, work etc.) only add to the shame that is at that unfortunate person’s core. In other words, we are formed by our childhood, our brain is programmed by the type of attachment to our primary caregiver. If that caregiver does not give us emotional warmth we feel unloved, and eventually unloveable.