unhealthy shame

One of the key aspects in preventing toxic shame and rage is allowing your child to detach. As I have already mentioned, much has been written on attachment to the primary carer. Failure to detach and move to autonomy breeds core shame. It is important for the parent to allow such detachment and not to feel threatened by it. The child should instinctively feel this detachment, and should be able to depend on his parents as separate entities, and not as part of himself.  This means that the parents have good boundaries, and so the child is able to build his own boundaries for adult life.