Social anxiety destroys your life

Jason was mistaken if he thought that his fear would depart when he began working. It intensified and destroyed any attempt at happiness.

“I would do my work to a high standard but I would lunch by myself, in a place away from work where my colleagues wouldn’t see me. I was on a very busy team so people didn’t go to lunch together. I asked one of the lads one day to go to lunch, but he told me he didn’t have time. Instead of taking this as the truth, I thought it was my fault and he just didn’t want to have lunch with me. I questioned myself and the rejection made me put up my guard. I wouldn’t be asking again. There was another group of lads on another work team. They were friendly and sporty and liked the banter. This is the kind of group I would have got on well with. But I wasn’t brave enough to ask if I could join them. The fear of being judged, ‘the look at this loner’ thoughts that was going round in my head, meant I never made the effort with them. College was happening all over again. I’d have a few scenarios were I’d have a laugh with them, but I wouldn’t be able join them the next day for lunch or stop for a chat. If circumstances had been different I could have been on this team. They would have invited the newbie to lunch and I could have made some really good friends. Instead, I was left to go to lunch on my own in a restaurant up the road that I was familiar with from my college days. I was nearly 2 years working in the office before I could venture into the canteen. I had the feeling that all eyes from the office would be on me as I queued for my food. The thoughts of being in a queue having to make conversation with one of my work colleagues, especially those in higher positions, made me blush and sweat. This irrational fear meant I never went to the canteen. Work was really intense and some days I didn’t have time to go to the restaurant across the way, so instead of grabbing something quick in the canteen, I would eat nothing. On bad days, I could arrive home from work around 8 in the evening and not have eaten since 7 that morning. At the time I didn’t notice anything crazy about my behaviour. As I write this, I can’t really believe how irrational my fears had made me. I thought this was all to do with college and I couldn’t see the signs that my fears had taken me over.”
Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
I am the author of six books
When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family
Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying
Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O
Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891
Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856
I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder)

Posted in social fear