I do not advise self-help books, but you can get many useful books which will help you make sense of your life. A book you might like to read to help heal your perfectionistic tendencies is The Green Platform. This was written by Declan Coyle, who was fortunate enough to
Perfectionism can lead to other psychological complaints.
Since perfectionism is bred from an insecure attachment it will be accompanied by other issues outlined as follows – Fear of abandonment – fear of failure – social fear – toxic jealousy – envy – toxic anger/rage – depression – anxiety – panic attacks – controlling impulse – internal unease
Keeping a diary is a great way to manage emotional/psychological issues
Antony and Swinson (2009) detail many strategies and exercises for dealing with pathological (unhealthy) meticulousness. Their initial advice is to assess the seriousness of the perfectionism. You can do this by checking for the main areas where the problem arises. From preceding chapters you will have guessed that the most
The constant need for approval is crippling. It comes from parental lack of affection for the child
The need for approval is a deep and hurtful wound from childhood. I was driven by the need for approval. As a Principal, I needed approval from the students, the staff, the parents, the Board of Management, the Department of Education, the townspeople and the trustees! And my perfectionism was
The need for approval is a painful wound from childhood and prevents us being truly happy
In the last blog we have been looking at perfectionism. The subconscious desire to be good enough is a parallel, but connected, treadmill to perfectionism promoting fear of failure. It has many roots, and the behaviour is a never ending drive to please others. The greater your fear of failure
Perfectionism is often misunderstood.
There is an ironic component of incompetency that you also need to be aware of, which has been well addressed in the literature. Since this secret world harbours a deep sense of shame, it also brings the curse of pathological perfectionism. Research shows that a high level of perfectionism is
A feeling of incompetence can lead to the controlling impulse
We have been looking at incompetence in the last blog. Unfortunately, it has been shown that feeling incompetent is one of the drivers for power and control, the basis for bullying. As the carrier of shame and a feeling of defectiveness, it drives the human to present a capable front
Incompetence is crippling and is an adjunct of fear of failure
If you suffer from a fear of failure, an exploration of your childhood role in the family might point to another root. Sometimes there is a natural order in these roles. Generally speaking, every member of a family has particular roles. The eldest child is normally the star or the
Teachers should ensure that their students are thoroughly instructed to ensure a feeling of competency in later life
Since parents are responsible for their children’s formation, including educational development, there is a lesson to be learned from the discussion in the last blog to ensure that the direction need is met. Most children must develop slowly in terms of learning, otherwise there is always a sense of unfinished
A feeling of incompetency pervades our thinking and behaviour
If you are not shown how to do things you may feel defective and a fraud, even if your achievements are noteworthy. The uninformed inner child binds you and you become afraid of change, avoiding new opportunities to enrich and give more meaning to your life. Petrúska Clarkson, who writes