We must feel in control of our lives and it must be based on our intrinsic qualities not on external factors which can vanish

I do not advise self-help books, but you can get many useful books which will help you make sense of your life. A book you might like to read to help heal your perfectionistic tendencies is The Green Platform. This was written by Declan Coyle, who was fortunate enough to have the Holocaust survivor and internationally famous psychiatrist, Viktor Frankl, as his visiting professor during his post graduate studies in Ottawa. The green platform is a metaphor for positivity and one of the most positive outcomes is the demise of perfectionism, the acquisition of boundaries, the dissolution of negativity and a corresponding sense of being in control of your life. Being in control of your life is personal power and should not be confused with power and control over others. It is an internal state of calmness with a sense of direction and is a necessary ingredient for living. It is profoundly disrupted if your childhood has been negative. Even if you are outwardly successful, not being in control is like being chronically ungrounded and uncertain. In the nineteen fifties Julian B. Rotter, a prominent psychologist, explored the concept of control and came up with a theory, which he labelled locus (location) of control. He differentiated between an internal and an external locus of control. If you have an internal locus you believe that you are in control and in charge of your life. You are unfailingly positive. If, however, you have an external locus you believe that your life is controlled by external factors and you are by and large powerless to properly dictate the course of your life. In one you give yourself credit for success and in the other you complain about external obstacles, normally obstacles you feel you cannot overcome. These are the obstacles you often erect yourself and are the by-products of perfectionism.
Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
I am the author of six books
When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family
Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying
Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O
Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891
Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856
I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder)

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