Our self-esteem must come from our qualities not our achievements

The word locus seems to be liked by psychologists. Carl Rogers uses the term an external locus of self-evaluation, which means that your self-esteem is based on external factors such as your work, wealth or some other factor that you value. Without question, those who have an external locus of control also evaluate themselves externally and lack confidence and the ability to dictate their lives. I cannot think of a greater recipe for unhappiness or fear of failure. I remember a client telling me that his self-esteem lay in being good at his job. When I asked how he would be if he became ill and could no longer do his work, his answer was ‘I would feel empty. I would feel nothing.’ When your self-esteem lies outside of yourself you are constantly on the treadmill of shame. You should realise that you are more than your job or whatever external reality you rely on for your self-esteem. It must lie within yourself.
But, first you have to eradicate that false self who carries your wounds and it is helpful to realise that the false self contains a saboteur, who continuously whispers negative messages about yourself in your ear. Creating an image of the saboteur is one good way of concretising the negative thinking that binds you and nurtures your fear of failure. Imagine that little black saboteur sitting on your shoulder, whispering into your ear telling you that you are not good enough, that you will fail, that you are not intelligent enough, that you will fail an interview, that you will not be able to do the job advertised and there is no use in applying for it, that you will never have a relationship, and so on. To make that little saboteur more realistic paint it, and make it as hideous as possible. Then feel your power over your creation as you tear it up or burn it.
Extract from my recent book – Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
I am the author of six books
When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family
Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying
Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood.
I’ll Meet You at the Roundy O
Priest, Politics and Society in Post Famine Ireland 1850-1891
Prince of Swindlers. John Sadleir MP 1813-1856
I am currently writing a major work on DID (Multiple Personality Disorder)

Posted in The saboteur