Some of the behaviours mentioned in the last blog entry are, on their own, strong signals of an abusive mentality, and if a pattern emerges, you are certainly entering the danger zone of misery, humiliation and control, and possibly of violence. The fact that abuse in longstanding relationships is one
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YOU WILL ALWAYS BE RESTRICTED BY THE CONTROLLING PERSON
Your living and breathing space will become confined to the whim of the abuser. Jealousy and suspicion of where you go, and whom you meet, are other warnings of the restrictions that await you, if you persist in this new relationship. There will be hints that may alert you that
possessiveness is not love. it is power and control
Linda’s pain intensified when their baby, Jack, was born, because not only did Stephen renege on his promises to be an involved father, but also he effectively abandoned his young wife and newborn baby, in favour of going out with his friends, and behaving irresponsibly – “I used to say
The abusive person charms and then destroys.
The characteristics and behaviours of the Jekyll and Hyde personality are well illustrated by Stephen, who demanded an early commitment from Linda. He swept her off her feet with his charm, quickly married and then cruelly abandoned her. It is a shocking experience to be loved so warmly, and then
controllers have a Jekyll and Hyde personality. They are street angels and house devils.
If your self-esteem is low, if you have brought feelings of abandonment from childhood, and if you feel not good enough, that person’s initial attention will make you feel wanted, flattered and fortunate. It is easy to be disarmed in those early stages by charm. Controlling people often try to
BEING AWARE OF WARNING SIGNS AT THE BEGINNING OF A RELATIONSHIP IS IMPORTANT
The controlling personality I grew close to you, And felt the caress of your love Enfolding me in its warm embrace. The wound in my soul soothed By the gentleness of your voice. I did not feel the chill that sometimes came And went as quickly. And then persisted And
It takes courage to be vulnerable
Communication means speaking in a non-judgemental way, specifically naming the behaviour that causes us displeasure, saying ‘I feel angry/fearful when you shout at me’, ‘I don’t like it when you touch me like that’, and so on. Communication is also about making the consequences clear, if the other person continues
People with weak boundaries collude with abuse
People with weak boundaries find it very difficult to say no, and so collude with abuse. They may be unable to say no because of unhealthy core instincts, and, like Alex, may dislike hurting other people’s feelings; they may have a fear of abandonment, or an inclination to be dependent
being enmeshed by a parent is controlling and abusive
Foetus- like in shell unbreached The wounded child lies Alone Within the adult. Filled with pain. Confused, Not knowing why. A frozen wasteland, Where there is no warmth, Where intimacy burns the soul, And leaves the spirit Mourning the loss of love Yearning for the joy of soul- togetherness. Never.
Posted in abuse, Child Abuse, domestic violence, physical abuse
Tags: abuse, boundaries, domestic violence, psychological abuse, verbal abuse
Tags: abuse, boundaries, domestic violence, psychological abuse, verbal abuse
People need to know what boundaries are before they can understand abuse. This will be explored in the early section of the blog, and will enlighten parents on child formation. Parents will also learn about dysfunctional child development in the next section, which looks at the creation of the abusive