The characteristics and behaviours of the Jekyll and Hyde personality are well illustrated by Stephen, who demanded an early commitment from Linda. He swept her off her feet with his charm, quickly married and then cruelly abandoned her. It is a shocking experience to be loved so warmly, and then treated so cruelly. It is very difficult for the victim to take this in.
I met my husband in 2005. I thought I had received all my lucky stars at once. Never had I felt so close to anyone, and felt such companionship. We were a couple, and more than that we were best friends as well, and really, to be honest, we were each other’s life. We both had done everything together in every sense of the word. Rarely would you see one without the other. My husband when I met him was a caring, loving, respectful good-looking man that I was mad about. I used to think to myself – I have met the one- how lucky I am. I have met a man that loves me and wants to spend every day with me.
The care and the love masked the control, as Stephen took charge of the relationship and how quickly it developed. Linda was unsuspecting as she allowed him to dictate
One night at his father’s house, where he was staying at the time, he blurted out in front of his father that we were moving in together. This was all news to me. We had never discussed it. But at the time I was so happy and I wanted to be with him and he with me. I went along with it, and said, “What’s the point waiting if we are happy. We will be happy living together – we are together practically all the time anyway”.
The blissful experience continued with a ‘beautiful wedding day’ and a ‘magical’ honeymoon in Venice. Her delight was increased when she discovered that she had become pregnant on the honeymoon. Her dream had come true – ‘to meet a lovely man that I could share my life with and be happily married and have a family’.
This dream was soon shattered, and Linda describes is as like a switch being flicked – and a different person appearing. The initial change in Stephen’s behaviour quickly worsened. Linda was bewildered by it, because Stephen expressed delight and interest in her pregnancy, and promised that he would be very much involved when the child was born. The change began with a ‘few words’ over some trivial matter. Stephen left the house and did not return that night.
At 11.30, he still wasn’t home. This was the first time he had done this to me. I tried ringing his phone and he wouldn’t answer. I sent a text to come home but then he turned off his phone. I was so upset I spent the night crying. I rang my best friend; she called and tried to calm me down. I cried myself to sleep that night. I was so hurt that he could do this. I was pregnant with his child and how could he not come home to me! He knew I would be upset. Did he not worry that I was pregnant and that stress for the baby was not good? I felt guilty that night for been so upset because I was worried about the baby. He came back the next day and was so sorry. He explained that he needed to take some time to himself and he went out with his friends. He promised it wouldn’t happen ever again. But it did. And each time I was hurt, but he generally would come home the next day so I would try and stay calm and not get too upset. I was very much along in my pregnancy and I knew I couldn’t keep getting so upset for my baby’s sake.
Adapted from Jim O’Shea’s book Abuse. Domestic Violence, Workplace and School Bullying published by Cork University Press
PSYCHOTHERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
THERAPISTS IN TIPPERARY
ABUSE
DOMESTIC VIOLENCE
DEATH OF A CHILD