One person who came to the house talked at length about
how awful it was for the driver to have killed someone. I was
filled with rage at this, but remained silent. I have heard
others say that it is worse to kill somebody than to be killed.
It is surely an awful thing to be responsible for the death of
another. I have no doubt that it evokes much long-term pain
and guilt, but I doubt very much if it can equal the pain of
the family of the dead child. There are no winners in this
situation.
I was also angered by rumours that were spread,
a phenomenon that is often associated with death in Ireland. Some
people spread the rumour that Cathal’s sister had been home
from America and brought him the bike on which he was
killed. Others said that he had been wearing earphones and
did not hear the car coming. People do not mean to be
malicious, but such rumours add to the pain of the bereaved,
especially as in Cathal’s case they were untrue. The truth was
that Cathal had been careless, and he did not hear the car
because another car was coming behind him and it blotted
out the noise.
Extract from When a Child Dies. Footsteps of a Grieving Family. Published by Veritas
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