It is difficult to believe that childhood largely dictates how our adult life will be. The seeds are sown from very early childhood before conscious memory begins, and, therefore, in a counselling setting it can take months for the adult to make the connections between childhood and adulthood. It can be challenging to realise that what determines how we will be later in life is the nature of the attachment we have to our parents or caregivers from birth onwards. Attachment is a psychological term, and a secure attachment is an intense and unique relationship that forms a lifelong bond. The person that the child forms the bond with is known as the attachment figure. An insecure attachment, on the other hand, is the opposite, where no bond or a very weak one is formed, and from that comes many of the painful issues that beset us in adulthood. This book examines some of these wounds and shows how we can heal them. It explores fear, anger and jealousy and many other stresses related to these, which are outlined in Appendix 1. The different types of fear looked at are toxic or pathological and are different to normal fear, an emotion that is hardwired in the limbic system of our brains for our protection. Similarly the book examines toxic or core jealousy and anger. Core means something that is in the heart of self, part your being, etched on your neural pathways at a threat to your survival at a very young and dependent age. It entered your core in those early years, because of your fear that your emotional or physical survival was under threat. these blogs are not meant to be a criticism of parent or caregivers. We do our best as parents, but we must face the reality that our best is not always enough. We are human, but our most important role in life is to properly nurture our children. We don’t have to be award winning parents, we only need to be good enough. Unfortunately some may fail to be good enough.
I will refer to many books as these blogs unfold, so that if you are particularly interested in any theme you can read about it in more depth. I have also used several case studies including an extensive one on Jason, who suffered intense fear and many of its shackling offspring, but fortunately did not experience core anger or jealousy. These real life stories show how devastating a childhood insecure attachment can be. You will also see how Jason, in particular, overcame most of his issues, and is beginning to live a happy and fulfilled life.
The names used in these case studies shown in these blogs are not the real names of those involved.
Extract from Understanding and Healing the Hurts of Childhood. Publication 2018
Therapists in Tipperary
psychotherapists in Tipperary
Death of a child